Great Lessons and Discoveries on Living and Aging Well
By Beverly Peters Sellers
Lately I have been wrestling with the revelation that I’ll be 65 soon. Sixty-five? Holy cow! Although it’s not all clear yet, I ponder an idea that’s just come to mind — this event gives me brief license to render great lessons and discoveries.
1. EASE UP ON YOURSELF: It’s possible, you know, to sprain your emotions, so cut yourself some slack. Running around like a cockroach on a crumb-filled kitchen floor gets you exactly that - crumbs. At times, we all run around blaming ourselves, backing ourselves into a box. We pile so much on our shoulders — the weight is just crushing.
Aging involves a cyclical repetition of so many wrongdoings, like, “will I ever learn,” and that continued self-flagellation becomes depressing. One evening recently while riding DART rail to downtown Dallas, I left my cell phone on the seat of the rail car. “Will I ever learn,” I muttered to myself; then stopped. If we strive for a sort of enlightened imperfection and stop beating ourselves over the head for every transgression, life becomes more meaningful. Let go of perfectionism. What we perceive as past failures limits us, keeping us frozen in time. Today — right this very minute — can be the best time of our life. So live in the present with its imperfections and never look back with regret. It’s what we’ve been given. Be grateful.
After all, we’re here for the long duration — till the fat lady sings. So if we want to live in a healthier body while traveling through this life, we’ve got to lighten up on ourselves. In so doing, we release the tension in our body, resulting in an improved lifestyle — free of chasing crumbs. Try it for a month and see the results. No need to live the rest of our lives in blame. Release those demons. The fact is we’re called for a higher purpose; and, truth be known, God’s not finished with us yet.
2. FIND MEANING: DO SOMETHING NEW: As we age, we reinvent ourselves — “Who are we now?” Joseph Campbell speaks of “following our bliss.” What is our bliss? What activity makes us glow; makes us lose track of time? Whenever that panicky “I’ve-got-to-do-something-with-my-life” feeling bubbles to the surface plan a trip, a new project, a party, or volunteer part of your time in helping others. I take courses at the community college. Any one or all of these activities involves us in new beginnings and inspires us to look forward to each morning.
I’m fortunate to have aunts and uncles blessed with longevity. They serve as wonderful role models. My Great Aunt Edith took up the artist life at age eighty. My mother’s younger sister and husband, now beginning their ninth decade, continue to reinvent themselves through interesting travels. Another uncle, age eighty-four and a seasoned musician, in recent years has learned to handcraft violins made from fine woods. Yes, it consumes hours and hours of his time, but I suspect he knows that when he departs this life, a part of him remains through those who play his violins.
As we grow older and recall our spiritual heritage, we stand within its power, experiencing ALL of life differently. The greatest power God gives us is to change our thoughts about the world. And as we do, our world transforms itself into new beginnings.
Come, my friends,
“Tis not too late to seek a newer world. Push off, and sitting well in order
to smite the sounding furrows” —Tennyson
Perhaps if we too push off in new directions, we’ll find new meaning in our lives.
3. CHERISH LAUGHTER, FRIENDS, & FAMILY: I recall reading in one of Joseph Campbell’s books that at 60, we begin advising friends; at 70, realizing that everything said has been misunderstood, we keep quiet and are taken for a sage. Finally, at 80, we know our ground and stand firm.
Laughter releases endorphins — the brain’s natural chemicals — that relax the body and give us a feeling of well being. When I think of my dad, and I often do, I hear his laughter first — the rich resonance of its sound. It filled our home and made me feel safe as a child. Never underestimate the ability of laughter at any age to enhance our lives, heal old wounds, soothe hurt pride, or nourish the physical body. It holds magical medicinal remedies. Another uncle, the youngest of his siblings at age 73, underwent quadruple bypass surgery in September 2004. With the diagnosis this month that a tumor now rests on his brain, one would assume his attitude to be rather dismal. Not him. Always a great storyteller — a spinner of yarns — my uncle tells hilarious whoppers that make me laugh so hard, my sides ache. Although not spoken, I know he’s going through a tough time, but he’s still here. And if he’s still here, he hasn’t finished his purpose. He possesses a divine protection that surrounds him because he’s still on a mission. I admire his optimistic nature — his laughter in the face of adversity.
Being with friends and family whom we enjoy gives us a sense of renewed energy — lifting our spirits and taking our minds off ourselves. Now retired, I’ve taken time to read books on healthy aging. Want to know one of the top five reasons that seniors age well?
Other people. Keeping social contacts alive helps us to keep kicking up our heels. Remember that the next time the droll-drums grab hold; get up, get out with people to create the fun and laughter.
“Your neighbor is your other self dwelling behind a wall. In understanding, all walls shall fall down. Who knows but that your neighbor is your better self wearing another body? See that you love him as you would yourself. He too is the manifestation of the Most High.” — Gibran
4. FEEL THE BURN, BABY (but don’t overdo it): Someone wrote, I forgot who, that life is wasted on the young. Their muscles flex perfectly; their joints don’t creak. Their body moves faster than their elders. However, a comforting motto to those beyond 60 — slow and steady wins the race.
Develop an exercise program that not only keeps the muscles pliable but also provides a cardio workout for our hardest working muscle --- the heart. Although experts say exercising three days a week is sufficient, four days of brisk walking works better for me with alternate days spent stretching and lifting light weights. Ask your doctor. Do what works for you. Gardening or house work (ugh!) works similarly I hear. An 80-year-old aunt rides a stationary bike as she talks on the phone to friends. Once in closing a conversation with me, she confided that she’d ridden 11 miles while we talked.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end, to rust unburnish’d, not to shine in use. — Tennyson
My lively aunt continues to shine, looking and acting younger than her 80 years.
Finally, exercise benefits the brain. When we increase our heart rate, we release the brain’s natural chemicals, clearing our muddled thoughts. It’s as simple as this — after exercising, I view life’s challenges differently. I’m more optimistic. Problems don’t evaporate, it’s true, but the increased optimism sends a signal that I’m up to life’s challenges. Others tell me it works the same for them.
Finally, include in a healthy lifestyle a healthy diet---more fresh fruits and vegetables; less fried chicken and steak — an absolute for another aunt and uncle (married 70 years) who still enjoy fresh vegetables from the garden they cultivate themselves.
On my desk rests a copy of The Serenity Prayer that helps me get through each day. You’ll recall it goes like this:
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonable happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen. -
— Niebuhr
Well, there you have it — lessons learned in 65 years of living. Life is lived forward but understood backward (Kierkegaard). I am grateful that I have the privilege of being alive and fulfilling dreams God grants me. No regrets — we’re old when regrets take the place of dreams. So live our lives in such a way that we have great stories to tell and dreams to carry us through.
